Head-Hopping

The term gets tossed around. Head-hopping. But what is it? It happens to be one of the most common errors in manuscripts, especially for new writers. It is when we are in one scene and change perspectives within that same scene.

Very important: I am NOT saying multiple perspectives are bad. Multiple perspectives are not necessarily head-hopping! Head-hopping is when we get these multiple perspectives in the same scene. There is no chapter change, no scene break. We are not revisiting the “same scene” from a new perspective after the first one has finished. We are in the same scene at the same time, bouncing around from one character's head to a different character's head from sentence-to-sentence or paragraph-to-paragraph.

Why is this bad? It can get confusing for the reader. As the scenes continue to head-hop, readers may lose track of whose head they are in, what they are thinking or feeling, and what is happening. Most stories are written to immerse the reader into the experience of the point-of-view characters. You can do this with multiple characters but not so much in a single scene.

Bouncing around can also be jarring to a reader. They may be moved to someone else’s head just as they are getting invested in the perspective of the first character. Or they may not even realize they’re supposed to be in someone else’s perspective now and get confused as to what is happening.

There are traditionally published books that contain head-hopping. I don’t want to make you question reality. There are. But they are rare. Few publishers will risk allowing this with an unknown author. Many readers won’t trust an author to guide them through all the bouncing. And even if they do, the scenes have to be very well-written and very clear. It is easy to get confused when being dipped into so many characters practically at the same time. We, both authors and editors, do not want to risk a confused reader! It can stop them from finishing the book. It may prompt them to leave a poor review. It may prompt them never to read anything from that author again. Plots can be twisting things. Sentences and perspectives should not be.

Head-hopping can take place in any written point-of-view. It would likely be even more confusing in first or second point-of-view, but even in third, it’s messy.

Now that we know what head-hopping is, let’s look at some examples to really help drive the idea home.

Examples used with permission of the author.

The woman, raven hair like her mother before her, paused and gave Gabrielle a look mixed with concern and exasperation.

“Nothing serious,” Gabrielle interjected as she was led to a table.

“No, I can see that.” Eve pointedly looked at the bright gash on Gabrielle’s leg. They sat, and she took the opportunity to give the woman before her a thorough inspection while she ordered a mead.

The main character, Gabrielle, sees and mentally notes this woman has raven hair like her mother. Then we switch to Eve’s head as she takes the opportunity to give Gabrielle a thorough inspection.

How do we know we are starting off in Gabrielle’s perspective? Eve should not be thinking of her own hair color or how it relates to her mother when she is focused on Gabrielle. Eve’s hair color is something Gabrielle is observing. It has no bearing on Eve’s perspective right now. Gabrielle can also observe the look mixed with concern and exasperation. These are things she can see and interpret.

Gabrielle may be able to observe Eve inspecting her, but that’s not what is happening here based on how it is written. “She” is now Eve, and she is taking the opportunity. “… the woman” switched and is now Gabrielle. If this were still in Gabrielle’s perspective, it would read something like this: “‘No, I can see that.’ Eve pointedly looked at the bright gash on Gabrielle’s leg. They sat, and Eve continued to look her over for a thorough inspection.”

The man was sweating. It slid sluggishly down his brow, his cheek, his jaw, before dripping off and splashing onto his breastplate where it continued the journey down. It didn’t matter it was still the middle of the night with a cool breeze blowing in from the window. It increased his pulse to see ice staring back at him. The cool blue chips narrowed and the mouth beneath them twisted in unpleasantness.

“Can’t. Find. Her.”

“No, M’Lord.” The small stream at his hairline increased in volume. “We’ve looked everywhere.”

“Clearly not.” She stared at the young soldier before her with disgust. She was the gods-be-damned Conqueror! Did she really need to search the palace herself to get the job done?

The first two sentences are not helpful in determining whose perspective we are in. The man would be able to feel his sweat dripping sluggishly down his brow. An observer, in this case, the Conqueror, could see this too. The first true point of perspective is the third line: “It increased his pulse to see ice staring back at him.” Here it is clearly the soldier’s perspective. Only he would know what is making his pulse increase. Unless the Conqueror is touching or closely observing a pulse-point, she wouldn’t even know his pulse increased. But here, we and he know the reason this is happening. “… to see ice staring back at him.” While we don’t get a clear indication in this limited scene as to what “ice” is, we would know from the story it is a common way to describe the Conqueror’s eyes. The Conqueror is not observing her own eyes nor describing her own eyes as ice, and she would not know it is her eyes specifically that are causing his increasing pulse.

In the next line, she is described further.

The cool blue chips narrowed and the mouth beneath them twisted in unpleasantness.

This is more outside observation. We are in the soldier’s head. This is how he sees the person before him and how he is reacting.

It is the last paragraph in this small section where we head-hop.

She stared at the young soldier before her with disgust. She was the gods-be-damned Conqueror! Did she really need to search the palace herself to get the job done?

In this situation, the soldier is clearly nervous, perhaps even scared. He is not thinking of himself as a “young soldier.” He may be concerned for his own life, but he is not going to be in the mindset to be focused on himself. He’s locked onto this dangerous, unhappy person in front of him! He may be able to interpret she is disgusted, but he certainly doesn’t know what she’s thinking, but we, the readers, do! “She is the gods-be-damned Conqueror!” And clearly, she doesn’t think she should be doing this man’s job just for it to get done right.

These are only two examples, but hopefully you see what I mean. We are in the scene, with no breaks in the scene, bouncing from one person's perspective to another person's perspective. If this keeps happening, we lose our connection and deep perspective within each scene. We may even get confused. So, best to avoid any head-hopping!

Pick which character's perspective would be most useful to that scene and stick with them! Often, this is one of the main characters, but it doesn't have to be! Do you want the reader to feel a certain emotion in this scene? Do you want them to know or not know something relevant? Consider which of your characters is present. More than one in the scene? Which would have the emotion or the knowledge you'd like the reader to have?

A developmental editor can assist if you need help by this editing stage, but keep in mind, you can ask a writer's coach, writers' group colleagues, or alpha readers for their insights as well!